Between the same-sex marriage debate, an alcoholic Tony Abbott and every single time Donald Trump opens his mouth, Minister for Exploiting Brown People For Political Gain Peter Dutton was worried he was becoming irrelevant.
All his fears have been assuaged however, with the introduction of a new visa, which comes with no Federal Government support at all.
Just when we thought asylum seekers could not be humiliated any more, the new “final departure Bridging E Visa” will be introduced.
Recipients will no longer receive income support payments, but to counter that, they will receive a shiny new eviction notice to leave Government-supported accommodation.
“We’re all really proud of this one” said a spokesperson for the Minister, Stephen S’Atan.
“The Minister was inspired when he came up with it.”
“We all thought it couldn’t be done, but removing support for people who made it to the mainland on medical grounds? Delicious!”
When making the announcement, an unashamedly erect Mr Dutton seemed prouder than normal.
“They said it couldn’t be done. They said we couldn’t possibly treat them worse than we already have, but we found a way!”
“My personal favourite is the bit where we allow them to work, but remove their ability to receive any education to anyone over 18, even if they’re still in school!”
“The message to foreigners is clear; if you’re trying to escape war. If you’re trying to escape persecution. If you’re trying to drag your family out of the depths of hell, Peter Dutton’s Australiahghgnnn….”
The press conference ended early, to allow the Minister to change his underpants.
More on Australia’s decline in to the 1950s as it happens.