Tony Abbott opposes postal plebiscite, prefers traditional gay sex in churches

The Federal Government yesterday announced that it was going to continue to ignore the 21st century, by using the postal system to have a national vote on bigotry.

Not all of the Government are in favour of the proposal, with former PM Tony Abbott speaking out against the postal vote.

“Its just not right to have any gay activity outside of the safety of a church” said Mr Abbott.

“The traditional Christian values that this country were founded on must be upheld, and those values state that the only safe practice of gay sex occurs when it is conducted by a priest. That way only half of the participants are gay, and it is all overseen by the Lord.”

“I’m not going to support any policy that facilitates that changing. I only suggested the plebiscite in the first place because I knew it would never get through the Senate. Actually allowing the country to have a say is outrageous.”

Reports suggest that former Prime Minister Abbott has been working on a time machine. Whether that is to travel back to the 1950’s, when his views were appropriate, or 2014, when they were relevant, remains to be seen.

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