Local office worker Digby Gonzales is a man with a problem. Instead of being able to turn up to work every day and put a solid 4 hours of work in between checking out holiday destinations and YouTube vids, he has been the victim of a disturbing new kind of workplace bullying.
Mr Gonzales has been diagnosed as the carrier of a devastating quality – potential.
It was first noticed by his manager, Verity Simpkins. “I initially thought he was just like any of the other brain-dead slobs in my team, but then he started asking questions of our processes. Not only that, he started coming up with solutions”, said Ms Simpkins.
“I almost dismissed it, but then I gave him a side-project to work on, and he did it!” an excited Ms Simpkins continued.
“He seems oddly resistant at times, but every time I put an issue in front of him, he comes up with an answer. It’s so great to see someone with such potential come up through the ranks.”
Unfortunately, Mr Gonzales feels otherwise. “It’s just a job. All I want is to turn up, do my job and go home. I just need some money for rent and a few beers on the weekend, I don’t want to run the place.”
“This fucking woman keeps presenting me with these issues they keep having. It’s not my fault they’re all morons, if I see an issue, I have to fix it! Now, all she talks about is words like ‘potential’ and ‘you have the qualities of a team leader’.
“The worst thing was the other day, she mentioned something about a course she wanted to send me on. ‘Emotional Intelligence’? What the fuck is that?!? I try to fix these problems as quickly as I can, but the quicker I do it, the more excited she gets. If this keeps going on, I think I’m going to have to quit. It’s just too much.”
Ms Simpkins is unaware of the affect she is having on her charge, upon completion of her interview with The CentreLine, she wandered off, muttering something about career goals, KPIs, and operational budgets.
Grave fears are held for Mr Gonzales’ holiday plans.