Record high levels of excuses have been recorded across the country, with the return of Channel 10’s highly popular harem, The Bachelor.
- 1st place: I only watch because it’s so bad
- 2nd place: Everyone at work talks about it, so I’ll be left out if I don’t watch
- Top male excuse: The misses makes me watch it with her
It is unclear who these excuses are intended to fool, as even our short-sighted correspondent, Blind Frederick, thinks they’re full of shit.
Experts have concluded that at least 97% of the pleasure from watching the Bachelor is actually derived from guiltily admitting your excuse for watching the poor excuse for entertainment.
“Sharing the same nonsense reason for partaking in the degradation of our national intelligence is a huge bonding experience”, said anonymous reality TV expert, Ipee Frilly.
“No one could actually enjoy the show itself, it’s atrocious. This is all about the social interaction around it.”
“It’s a pattern that is seen with all guilty pleasures; chocolate, alcohol, methamphetamines. These are things we know we shouldn’t have, but we will feel better about our own stupidity if we know other people are doing it as well”.
Unfortunately, much more likely to come.