Telstra profits up after someone uses a pay phone

Elated Telstra staff today issued an upward revision of their profit estimate for the quarter, stating that they were excited to see growth in the payphone market after years of stagnation.

“The payphone call numbers have been at “0” for so long, we could hardly believe it when we saw the graph go up to “1”. That $2 is going straight to the bottom line” said Salladora Humpernickel, spokes-individual for Telstra.

So excited were Telstra by the occurrence, that they have tracked down the individual responsible for the sale, in hopes that there may be repeat business.

Unfortunately for the telecommunications company, it appears to have been a mistake.

Darrel Autumns, 34, was staggering home at 2am on Saturday after having consumed “one or two bevvies”, when he had the horrifying realisation that he had broken his curfew. Autumns quickly ran to the nearest payphone to call his parents, despite having moved out of home in 2006 and not having had a curfew since the last millennium.

Needless to say, the elder Autumns, Dave and Darleen, were less than impressed with their son’s antics, and have decided to withhold his pocketmoney this week.

As to what caused Darrel to think he was 16 years old again, experts believe it was a combination of alcohol, stupidity and the “Crap Music Rave” nearby, that was playing Britney Spears songs loud enough that they could be heard in 1999.

Telstra remain hopeful that this cocktail of nostalgia and alcohol will lead to further payphone business in future.

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