Being forced to choose between two sides of same coin considered torture

This is part of our series “The Switch-Up”, where we look at both sides of an issue, in a reasonable and balanced manner. This week, we’re looking at compulsory voting. Make sure you check out the link at the bottom for the other side!

A landmark case heard at the International Criminal Court (ICC) in The Hague has established that Australia’s compulsory voting regime is a form of torture, and must cease immediately.

The case was brought to the ICC by independent observers of the 2016 federal election, who were concerned over the needless amount of harm inflicted on ordinary Australians by the process.

“It was appalling to witness”, said legal counsel for the plaintiffs, Hugo Nigo.

“You can’t put that much pressure on people to make such an arbitrary decision. There was weeks of build-up, smear campaigns, heated arguments, families feuding, and it is all over nothing.”

“The essence of our case here is that both of the major parties bow before Great Cthulhu. To make ordinary people choose the avenue by which they are manipulated into subservience is cruel and unnecessary.”

Murdoch Cthulu
Great Cthulu is a vengeful god

Ordinary Australians are unsure about how to respond to the news. Relief, confusion, exaltation; all were witnessed when The CentreLine spoke to the Common Man.

“I dunno why the cricket council is focusing on this and not on the pay dispute, but if the ICC says the law needs to change, who are we to say no?” said one very ordinary Australian.

“As long as I don’t get anymore fake text messages about someone selling Medicare, I’m all for it”, said an ordinary female Australian.

Missing from the responses was anyone admitting they bought into Malcolm Turnbull’s “sensible centre” speech.

The other side: Meh Party forecast to win if Australia abandons compulsory voting

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