Donald Trump hit back today at suggestions he cast an uneasy, lonely, awkward figure at the G20 in Hamburg, suggesting that none of the world leaders present had any ‘normal’ shared interests that they could bond over.
His retort came in response to reporters’ questions, which is typically the longest form medium of Donald Trump’s thoughts. The only other evidence of thought is found in his verbal dumps on Twitter.
“These guys, you know these guys? Some of them are women! Women! Can you believe that? I believed it, but I had to see it. And you can’t talk to women about golf handicaps. And I think one of them was a gay, and I don’t want to talk to those guys about using a pitching wedge, let me tell you. Might try to marry me. Thought I’d talk to Yoko Winona from Micronesia and Shinzo Harambe about tanning, but they said theirs were all natural. They’re the biggest liars in the world.”
“Macaroon wanted to talk about North Korea, guy’s an idiot. I’ve built all of the golf courses in Seoul so I know where all the bunkers are.”
“I had heard that Xie Gin Pig was a ladies man back in the day so I deployed the finest piece of ass I had on hand to find out his plans for American steel. Didn’t even look at Ivanka! I was watching her all night, that’s what made it so hard to get up from the banquet table. She’s doing a great job!”
“Meanwhile, I tried to talk to Merkin and Donald Tusk but they were talking about art I’d never heard of. And I know art. I’ve got more gold leaf than the Palace of Versus. And statues, not of some Roman douchebag, but of me. Do you know the effort required to model my hair in marble? I’ve got the best artists.”
“Finally, the black forest torte was not the best. Not the best, let me tell you. And I let them know. I let them know I’d send my Mar-a-lago guys over to show them how its done. They just pour the stuff out of a packet and put it in the oven. It’s genius, that I can tell you.”