Being terrible at gambling now nation’s favourite past-time

This is part of our series “The Switch-Up”, where we look at both sides of an issue, in a reasonable and balanced manner. This week, we’re looking at gambling. Make sure you check out the link at the bottom for the other side!

“Dropping some pineapples” on the outcome of a sportsball match or a horse race, and then losing the lot, has become the nation’s favourite past-time, according to data released in the past week.

Last year alone, Australians managed to burn almost $1,000 each between betting on cards, dogs, ponies, pokies and politics. Where previously our spare time was spent partaking in casual racism, now our attention is diverted to pretending we can predict future events reliably.

“It’s a sign of the prosperity we’ve experienced for the last two and a half decades; Australians have run out of things to spend money on, so we’re just going to spunk it all on the outcome of arbitrary competitions between overpaid athletes and politicians. Or underfed horses, jockeys and dogs. Or on cards. Or the weather. It’s all good fun” said a random passerby who, confusingly enough, was not asked about this article at all.

“If you can sit down with your mates and tell them that you’ve got a hungee sitting on the outcome of the match, or even something more specific, like which side will eat the most sausage rolls at half time, then you’re showing that you’re the biggest dick in the room.”

“Australians love being the biggest dick in the room.”

Games of chance have even crept into The CentreLine’s office, where we drew straws to see who would have to write this article, pointing out how delusional Australians are about probabilities. As far as this correspondent is concerned, it was rigged.

The other side: Pokies now accepting food taken directly from children’s plates as payment

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