Bernard Tomic puts down the racquet and picks up the calculator

After declaring that he found himself bored during his latest Grand Slam loss, Bernard Tomic has made the shock announcement that he is quitting tennis to pursue his lifelong passion; forensic accounting.

“Sponsorships money and the jet-set lifestyle don’t really hold a candle to trawling through cashflow records in order to determine whether accounting adjustments aligned with the AASB. I’ve never really felt my heart was in tennis, and I’ve never  felt as comfortable on the court as I have in front of MYOB”

Whilst admitting that as a graduate accountant, it will likely be more difficult to service lease payments on his Maserati and Gold Coast abode, Tomic stated that he was confident he could move up the world rankings quickly. “I can reconcile a trial balance faster than any of the other lads on court. Kokinakis was also pretty handy on the assets and liabilities front  – enough to impress Wawrinka’s girlfriend”.

“And on the weekend, looking forward to having my own life back. Reckon I might give LARPing a go, my forehand still makes for pretty good sword cuts.”

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