Cabinet ministers start side hustles after disappointing payrise

Malcolm Turnbull’s Cabinet are feeling the fiscal squeeze after the Remuneration Tribunal decided to only waste another 2% of everyone else’s money next financial year. As a result, many are now turning to second jobs to make ends meet.

Prime Minister Turnbull has been picking up shifts at his local BP service station, Mathias Cormann is selling Belgian waffles, Christopher Pyne has started growing leeks, and Peter Dutton has been distributing human organs.

“Things are getting tighter and tighter”, said the Prime Minister to the press, “and we’re all just trying to get ahead.”

“Have you seen what’s happened to the price of electricity lately? I’m just trying to set a bit aside for the grandkids’ education, which is getting dearer every year, but the bloody power companies are robbing me blind!”

“Lucy wants to put another extension on Kirribilli, but I just don’t see how we can afford to do it right now.”

Finance minister Mathias Cormann also spoke out, saying “Ja, ich have 5 properties ich need to service mortgage repayments on, and that izn’t getting any eazier. Negative gearing izn’t all zunzhine und rainbowz, you know? It’z actually qvuite a bit of vork”

It is believed that the ministers received inspiration for their side businesses after Bronwyn Bishop started supplementing her pension by running a helicopter dealership.


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