Well known for his enthusiasm for Waleed Aly monologues and keenness to talk all things the Bachelor with junior staffers, Immigration Minister Peter Dutton has thrown a lifeline to embattled Ten shareholders.
Speaking from his ministerial office, Minister Dutton declared: “Survivor: The Australian Outback was the best season. Colby should have won, Tina the minger – the exception to the Crazy/Hot scale that proves the rule – really did a number on him. But there was an element missing from the show – danger. Just outside every camera frame was a pallet of potable water, first aid and maggot free foodstuffs.”
“Today, we will combine our mandate to Stop The Boats, which we did, with our mandate to support old-world business empires. For too long, this government has supported the Murdoch family, and has neglected the Packer family. That ends now.”
“We will now allow TV cameras into the facility for the first time ever. This is because of the high stature of Network Ten’s reality TV show producers. Unlike the ABC journalists, they have ethics, they have standards and they can be trusted to film only what you tell them to film.”
Producers have expressed surprise at some of the constraints placed on the Manus Island edition proposed by the Minister. Rewards challenges have remained largely the same, with edible foodstuffs but with a minor tweak – mosquito netting and sanitary supplies have been included to keep malaria and cholera at bay. The immunity challenge has been substantially altered however, with winners receiving vaccination against tropical disease, and supplies of Vitamin D and Vitamin C to ward off rickets and scurvy. The ultimate survivor receives an expenses paid trip to Cambodia.