In a match many have described as “made in hell”, Peter Dutton has signed Lord Voldemort on as his stylist.
Describing Lord Voldemort as “inspiringly snake-like” and “an absolute wizard”, Peter Dutton today spoke at length about his wonderful new look, thanks to his wonderful new stylist.
“I’ve never managed to exude such unnecessary vitriol and contempt for my fellow humans as I am now. He’s completely turned my life around and given me whole new ways to sneer at Malcolm when his back is turned” said Dutton.
Bill Shorten has reportedly reached out to the magical community in search of his own stylist, but his only response came from Neville Longbottom, who said even he wasn’t a big enough dweeb to work with Bill.
Malcolm Turnbull has avoided the subject entirely, most likely out of fear of the average tenure Australian Prime Ministers being compared to that of Hogwarts’ Defence Against The Dark Arts Teacher.